… We were at home on the lake again. The birds continue to wake me and the stars stir me. My mood is like the climate. It is a red-hot summer and within me there is a scorching of resentment and more disappointment. I hadnʼt slept more than five hours in the past three days and my doctor warns me. There is a care factor and I suppose I donʼt. I do not find sleep easily. This is a new me, emotion filled. My mother had hurt me, I love her dearly and though I should expect her rejection I never see it coming. Again verse comes to me, I am nocturnal, I am alone fighting depression and melancholy. I miss my dad. Three in the morning and this is what I have become.

A Message to My Mother
Intelligent Design put my tiny hands in yours but vacant eyes would never see that miracle of life
just steps away from you lived me.
You should have loved … me
My childhood longed for more than your despair.
My waking eyes learned lessons of someone else’s game
You should have loved … me.
Music-laden melancholy separates the sorrowful but keeps them at their breast
While others befall some symphony of despondency not like the rest
You should have loved … me.
And figures exposed to battles never won but still designed would horrify not glorify
While the drums beat on the message loudly passing
And when you are callous with my spirit I defend
And everything that hurts shouts out and my unwanted nature then prevails
But I know that I will never cease my call and I will care for you and love you even though
You should have loved … me.